The In-Between
Too grown for the old, not quite ready for the new.
Returning home from Japan felt like coming back to a life I no longer recognized. The world around me was familiar, but I no longer fit into it—and I wasn’t sure how to move forward. There was a restless urge within me to tear it all down and start anew, yet a quiet resistance, like pushing against a current, reminded me that the time wasn’t quite right.
It’s a feeling I remember well from my teenage years, returning home after spending summers at my grandma’s. I’d slip back into my mom’s rules, feeling like I was stepping into a cage. I longed for my own space, my own life, but I wasn’t ready to make that leap. Now, I find myself in that same “in-between” state: too grown for the old, yet not quite ready for the new.
I recently had a dream that perfectly captured this inner journey.
I’m on my way to a gala, dressed elegantly, but as I approach the venue, I notice my white shoes are shabby. I decide to go back home to change. As I walk down the street, I drop to all fours, moving faster, like a wild animal. An old lady sitting on the side of the road calls out: “Do you have a problem walking like that? You’re a bit old to be doing such things!” I shout back: “No, there’s nothing wrong with me. I’m old enough to do whatever I feel like!” The lady smiles and shakes her head in disbelief.
I get back on my feet and continue. I stop at a red light, and a bus turns the corner, nearly striking me. I dodge it just in time. Some women nearby pull me to safety, afraid I might get hit. The obstacles keep coming as I try to move past the bus, now blocking my way, but with their help, I make it through. I’m not sure which shoes I end up wearing, but after all this, I’m finally back at the venue, ready for the party.
As I reflect on this dream, I realize it mirrors my internal journey with remarkable clarity. The gala, full of elegance and promise, represents the new life I want to step into. Yet the shabby shoes remind me I’m not quite prepared. I need to return home first—to gather myself before I can fully step into that world. It’s a gentle reminder that external change can’t happen until we do the internal work first.
The part of the dream where I crawl stands out as the most telling. We all begin this way, crawling before we can walk. As adults, we tend to feel embarrassed when we have to go back to basics, as if something is wrong with us—just like the lady suggested. This old lady is the perfect archetype of the inner judge inside of us. But I have moved past it and made her rethink her words. I’m not attached to her opinion; I can do whatever I want, and I do it because I know it will move me faster.
The bus, too, represents the unexpected challenges that lie ahead. It’s a reminder that we need to stop when life tells us to stop (like the red light), avoiding danger in the process. The challenges are still there, but by not rushing, we’re better equipped to navigate them. When we are in the flow, respecting life's pace, help often arrives, just as those women pulled me to safety.
And the funny thing is, even after all the twists and turns, the gala is still there, waiting for me. Just like the future, it’s there—waiting for me to step into it when I’m ready.
We all go through many phases of adolescence in our lives—those moments when we’re neither here nor there, when we’re learning, growing, and unsure of the next step. It can be nerve-wracking sometimes, but there’s also beauty in it. Each stage has its purpose, and when the time is right, we’ll step into the life that awaits us.
So, if you’re navigating one of those “in-between” moments right now, remember: it’s okay to crawl before you walk. Make the old lady shake her head in disbelief! And trust that every step you take—no matter how slow or awkward—brings you closer to the life that’s waiting for you. When the time is right, you’ll be ready to step into it, in the most splendorous outfit!